This weekend was amazing.
Specifically my experience worshipping my God. I have never been moved to tears because of joy, but during the "Days of Elijah" song my heart was overflowing. The words talk about the excited expectation we have of the return of Christ and of prophecies being fulfilled...Is there anything better than knowing those things are true; is there anything better than those things actually being true!? I think hearing my dad sing and just be holding nothing back, pouring his whole heart out for thanks and hope and praise for the promises of God to us, pushed me over the edge into tears. Being with other believers and worshipping Jesus, the God who humbled himself and made the ultimate sacrifice so that we can share in the joy of knowing Him and being with Him, is like nothing else. God blessed me this weekend with unimaginable joy. I can't even put it into words. It was so deep, and I still feel it. I believe this is a new way that God is allowing me to experience His presence, His Holy Spirit in my life. True joy, not temporary happiness, is something I have been praying for for months now, and God chose Sunday to introduce it to my life in a whole new way. And then, the sermon was on true joy. Perfect timing :).
Monday, January 30, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
my days
I haven't been feeling like blogging much lately, but I think that is because I have gotten back into my life. I don't need to write about it so much as live it, experience it. But writing is how I process, and so every once and a while it is good for me to take a step back and evaluate things.
Today our school had a "26 seconds" rally. Every 26 seconds a student drops out of high school (according to a statistic somewhere). Our rally today was to fight that statistic by encouraging students to stay in school through live performances of inspirational rap songs (done by another high school from Minnesota) and through giving away of prizes. I don't know how that is supposed to work...It seems pretty disconnected from what school is really like and the real reasons to stay in school. I suppose it creates awareness though, and that might serve a purpose. Anyway, I bring this up because one of my favorite students has told me multiple time this semester that he is going to drop out; he is only coming to school now because "the law is making him." He also told me in his "mathography"that he is in a gang and he has so much hate in his life that he just doesn't care about anything. I stood behind him for most of the rally today because he was sitting with all the behavior problem boys and so teacher presence was needed. He is such a sweet heart and has the potential to go so far in life. I want to give him hope and help him see that his future can have happiness.
On a different note, a kid who never participates, who often crumples up and throws his papers out of defiance and refusal to do work, sat quietly in class today while taking notes and raised his hand to answer questions. *AMAZING* This kid hits on me all the time, it makes me nervous and annoyed, but I think I am good at hiding it. If he knew it bothered me it would get even worse. He came up and sat by me for the 5 minutes I sat down. Once he sat I got up after a short discussion with him. He plopped down behind me and said "Hi Miss Heiberger." I turned around and smiled and said hi, then turned back around. Then I turned to face him again and told him that I noticed he took notes and stayed on task today. He nodded like he got that I was pleased and then went on to tell me about how a teacher "tried" to take his hat from him. This all took place in about a 3 minute period. Then I left my stuff where I was sitting but got up to go stand behind the bad behavior boys where my friend Mary was standing. I couldn't take anymore of flirty kid, although I was thankful for the opportunity to let him know that his good deeds hadn't gone unnoticed. Although that comment might backfire tomorrow. Then again, it probably won't be any worse than it was.
One of my bad behavior girls last semester now comes to visit me in the mornings and at lunch and shouted out hello to me today as I was finding my place the assembly. That made me feel nice <3 :).
---------------
February 1, 2012 (a leap year!!!)
P.S. Telling that kid that I noticed didn't backfire :). It helped :):):).
Today our school had a "26 seconds" rally. Every 26 seconds a student drops out of high school (according to a statistic somewhere). Our rally today was to fight that statistic by encouraging students to stay in school through live performances of inspirational rap songs (done by another high school from Minnesota) and through giving away of prizes. I don't know how that is supposed to work...It seems pretty disconnected from what school is really like and the real reasons to stay in school. I suppose it creates awareness though, and that might serve a purpose. Anyway, I bring this up because one of my favorite students has told me multiple time this semester that he is going to drop out; he is only coming to school now because "the law is making him." He also told me in his "mathography"that he is in a gang and he has so much hate in his life that he just doesn't care about anything. I stood behind him for most of the rally today because he was sitting with all the behavior problem boys and so teacher presence was needed. He is such a sweet heart and has the potential to go so far in life. I want to give him hope and help him see that his future can have happiness.
On a different note, a kid who never participates, who often crumples up and throws his papers out of defiance and refusal to do work, sat quietly in class today while taking notes and raised his hand to answer questions. *AMAZING* This kid hits on me all the time, it makes me nervous and annoyed, but I think I am good at hiding it. If he knew it bothered me it would get even worse. He came up and sat by me for the 5 minutes I sat down. Once he sat I got up after a short discussion with him. He plopped down behind me and said "Hi Miss Heiberger." I turned around and smiled and said hi, then turned back around. Then I turned to face him again and told him that I noticed he took notes and stayed on task today. He nodded like he got that I was pleased and then went on to tell me about how a teacher "tried" to take his hat from him. This all took place in about a 3 minute period. Then I left my stuff where I was sitting but got up to go stand behind the bad behavior boys where my friend Mary was standing. I couldn't take anymore of flirty kid, although I was thankful for the opportunity to let him know that his good deeds hadn't gone unnoticed. Although that comment might backfire tomorrow. Then again, it probably won't be any worse than it was.
One of my bad behavior girls last semester now comes to visit me in the mornings and at lunch and shouted out hello to me today as I was finding my place the assembly. That made me feel nice <3 :).
---------------
February 1, 2012 (a leap year!!!)
P.S. Telling that kid that I noticed didn't backfire :). It helped :):):).
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
This is a letter I wrote to myself while I was at "teacher boot camp" this summer, i.e. TFA Summer Institute.
14 July 2011
Dear Future Me,
Congratulations on your first teacher job :). Are you taking yourself too seriously yet? You know you have a ten dance to do that! Keep yourself in check girl. make sure you are taking time for yourself--journal, pray, read.
How are you feeling about your students? Are you able to assume the best of them? In areas where a student has proved to you that they don't care, what can you do to invest them back into their own success? What has happened in their life to make them have the attitude they do? Are you being respectful to them and theirs? Are you modeling what it means to be Christ-like in the classroom?
how are you feeling about your co-teachers? Do you feel respected and valued by them? Do you respect and value al you co-workers? Are you being a light in the darkness by being positive and friendly with your smiles? Do you actively avoid gossiping? Be respectful and assume the best of your co-workers and peers and you will be at ease.
How are you feeling about your administrators? Do you seek out their help and give them the proper respect? Do you respect their time? How about with your TFA bosses? Have you maintained respect for them and continued to assume the best of them? Remember Lara, your pride can get in the way of potentially great relationships in all areas of your life. Take hurtful words with a grain of alt, you know who you are and you know your worth outside of what you perceive others think of you. Reinforce a positive self-identity in others and you will begin to feel even more loved and content. If you do this with your students, peers, and overheads, you will be more successful at making a positive difference in the lives of those you encounter.
View people a Christ would view them.
Look beyond people's behavior and into who they are, and you might be able to reach them.
I truly hope you are doing well, and that this letter helps your life be even better, because you are me :).
~Yourself (past me/you... Oh the confusion)
P.S. Students need to be taught what it means to be a good student. What does it look like?
Dear Future Me,
Congratulations on your first teacher job :). Are you taking yourself too seriously yet? You know you have a ten dance to do that! Keep yourself in check girl. make sure you are taking time for yourself--journal, pray, read.
How are you feeling about your students? Are you able to assume the best of them? In areas where a student has proved to you that they don't care, what can you do to invest them back into their own success? What has happened in their life to make them have the attitude they do? Are you being respectful to them and theirs? Are you modeling what it means to be Christ-like in the classroom?
how are you feeling about your co-teachers? Do you feel respected and valued by them? Do you respect and value al you co-workers? Are you being a light in the darkness by being positive and friendly with your smiles? Do you actively avoid gossiping? Be respectful and assume the best of your co-workers and peers and you will be at ease.
How are you feeling about your administrators? Do you seek out their help and give them the proper respect? Do you respect their time? How about with your TFA bosses? Have you maintained respect for them and continued to assume the best of them? Remember Lara, your pride can get in the way of potentially great relationships in all areas of your life. Take hurtful words with a grain of alt, you know who you are and you know your worth outside of what you perceive others think of you. Reinforce a positive self-identity in others and you will begin to feel even more loved and content. If you do this with your students, peers, and overheads, you will be more successful at making a positive difference in the lives of those you encounter.
View people a Christ would view them.
Look beyond people's behavior and into who they are, and you might be able to reach them.
I truly hope you are doing well, and that this letter helps your life be even better, because you are me :).
~Yourself (past me/you... Oh the confusion)
P.S. Students need to be taught what it means to be a good student. What does it look like?
I am figuring out the source of my lonliness!
I have been direly missing Brittnay Hofer lately. She was my friend that I could be passionate about Christ with, and with whom there were no games. She was quick to admit her short comings but always joyous in the forgiveness she received and the blessings she was given. It is funny to say these things in the past tense, she still exists!!! She just hasn't been a part of my daily life ever since she moved. I guess I moved too. Anyway, I need to find a new way to fulfill this need in my life. There is a Bible Study that happens every Thursday night here in Mission and I'm going. I'm not getting my hopes up for it to be anything special. I'm desperate. Church on Sunday is not enough and I feel it. Living with Mark was the biggest blessing of my life because I had another Christian there with me all the time, and we could have conversations centered on Christ whenever we wanted, and we could listen to one another's struggles and give feedback based on what the Word of God says. It was amazing, but I didn't realize how valuable it was when I had it. I miss constant fellowship so much. SO MUCH. I think this is where my loneliness comes from: not having anyone in my everyday who shares my desire for Jesus.
Unimportant Ramblings
It is the last day of my first semester of teaching. I get all new students tomorrow and essentially a fresh start with my philosophy of teaching. I think I went about things all wring last semester, putting far too much focus on the algorithm of how and didn't allow enough time to explore or test out their knowledge. I honestly didn't give enough of the right kinds of feedback either. People need to know if they are doing something correctly or incorrectly in order to build confidence and they need confidence in order to be invested. Today we played a game called "trashketball" and I regret not having employed it earlier in the year. Kids seemed to be invested and wanted to win. We split the class into two teams and each team picked their own team name--"The Spartans" vs "The Shopping Center." Hilarious. Anyway, one person from each team came up and raced to solve the same problem. Whoever solved it correctly first won a point and then got a chance to shoot a wadded up piece of paper into the garbage cans for 1,3, or 5 extra points, depending on how far away they stood. I heard so many students saying, "Ohhhh, Now I get it!" Amazing how a little interaction can spark the mind.
Next semester I am going to be less no-nonsense in the sense that we are not going to power through things so much but rather have a deeper understanding of them, and more no-nonsense in the sense that I want stricter management, and I want every kid doing their work and paying attention well enough to ask questions. BUT, that management won't come from a place of control, it will come from a place of care and concern. I think this last semester so much of what I did came from a place of fear of an unruly classroom, and thus my focus was on control rather than healthy interaction.
Next semester I am going to be less no-nonsense in the sense that we are not going to power through things so much but rather have a deeper understanding of them, and more no-nonsense in the sense that I want stricter management, and I want every kid doing their work and paying attention well enough to ask questions. BUT, that management won't come from a place of control, it will come from a place of care and concern. I think this last semester so much of what I did came from a place of fear of an unruly classroom, and thus my focus was on control rather than healthy interaction.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Hey you! Ya, You!
I have this friend who has a blog named "If Words Could Save You"....
Yes...
If.
If they could...But they can't.
What a shame.
I am thankful, for I would fall too short if my words were my salvation. But they are my connection. To God, to myself, to you. So write and I'll read you, because I want to KNOW you.
Yes...
If.
If they could...But they can't.
What a shame.
I am thankful, for I would fall too short if my words were my salvation. But they are my connection. To God, to myself, to you. So write and I'll read you, because I want to KNOW you.
Being Present - to me
Lara,
When your body is somewhere and your heart is somewhere else it causes lots of inner turmoil and discontent. Wherever you are that is where you are! Be present! Don't let your thoughts wander to some dream that doesn't currently exist. Often that dream isn't as wonderful as you imagine it to be anyway. The quality of your life is dependent on your perspective and willingness to accept things the way they are. Be thankful for the people you have around you to interact with...Cherish them and try to understand them, because that is all you have. Being present also lets you be more fulfilled by your daily/life work, rather than dread it! Remember that your daily work is your life work, so do it well and with a full heart, serving others...from co-teachers to admin to students to staff. Spread the love, as Miss Taylor Escott would say :).
When your body is somewhere and your heart is somewhere else it causes lots of inner turmoil and discontent. Wherever you are that is where you are! Be present! Don't let your thoughts wander to some dream that doesn't currently exist. Often that dream isn't as wonderful as you imagine it to be anyway. The quality of your life is dependent on your perspective and willingness to accept things the way they are. Be thankful for the people you have around you to interact with...Cherish them and try to understand them, because that is all you have. Being present also lets you be more fulfilled by your daily/life work, rather than dread it! Remember that your daily work is your life work, so do it well and with a full heart, serving others...from co-teachers to admin to students to staff. Spread the love, as Miss Taylor Escott would say :).
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