Monday, June 10, 2013

My Statement of Purpose for Vandy


Lara Heiberger
Statement of Purpose

Vanderbilt University
Learning and Instruction, M. Ed. Program
December, 2012



My students are Sincangu Lakota. They live in more than twenty remote rural communities dispersed over 1,400 square miles. They sleep in overcrowded houses where household income is below the poverty level. The parents of most of my students are separated. Most children have at least one relative in prison or struggling with alcoholism. Many have grandparents who were forced into boarding schools.

Meet Austin.

A tall, lanky 14 year-old boy, he lives with his grandparents. His first class of his first day of high school was my pre-algebra class. Unlike his peers, he met me at the door of room 206 with a smile and an uninhibited handshake. He wants to be an x-ray technician. There are no x-ray technicians on the Rosebud Sioux Indian Reservation; most adults are not even employed. Austin wants to move away from “this place” as fast as he can.

Austin and I crossed many divides to come together in the same classroom. I grew up in Rapid City, a bustling town of approximately 70,000 people. Located 172 miles west of Rosebud, the city’s population includes a substantial group of Lakota who have moved off the state’s various reservations. I graduated from a small private Christian school where my friends perpetuated the racist attitudes that prevail in western South Dakota. I attended college in my hometown at South Dakota School of Mines and Technology, an engineering and science school. Choosing a major was not easy. Although divorced, my parents both imparted an affinity for math. My mother has two masters degrees, one in business and one in statistics. My father is an electrical engineer. When I went to college, my father encouraged me to be a journalist. My mother wanted me to be anything that would guarantee a considerable income. I went the way of science, majoring in Applied and Computational Mathematics.

During college, I lived in the basement of a house on East Kansas City Street. It was walking distance to campus, had a backyard for my dog, and the rent was affordable. The neighborhood was filled with low-income college students and Native American families. The basement door had weak locks, and with the different schedules of my roommates chain-locks were not feasible. More than once I woke up to find a stranger—always a Native American—searching through my cupboards or fridge, or once using my bathroom. I began to see how stereotypes might be fostered by this behavior. “Why,” I asked myself, “do Natives in my neighborhood behave differently than I do?” I was poor too, paying for my own college and working thirty-five hours a week.

I did not want to be racist, but my experiences were reinforcing the stereotypes in my community. One day, while I was leading a college-algebra learning lab, I had an epiphany. After working with a student from a local reservation, I realized that our lives had very different trajectories. I had a good high school education. After graduating from college I would be making enough money to live a comfortable life. The American Indian student in my learning lab had not received a solid high school education, as was evident from his struggles in basic college algebra.

I began talking to my professors about the disproportionately low population of Native students attending our school, and how Native students who were enrolled often had an inadequate mastery of secondary school mathematics. During my senior year, the chair of the mathematics department told me about Teach For America.

Teaching on the remote and desolate Rosebud Indian Reservation was culturally shocking. I had previously thought of myself as someone who brought joy into a room and uplifted others, but during my first few months, I found it hard to uplift myself, let alone bring joy into the classroom. I was a novice teacher, and the students knew it. I am an outsider. With a student like Austin, I feel how much I am not a part of his world.

Austin is a bright and kind young man with a great sense of humor. Nonetheless, it was exceptionally hard to hold his attention. He wanted to “get smarter,” but acted impulsively.  Slight mental distractions caused him to disrupt lessons. In class, he drew pictures of marijuana leaves, or turkeys with marijuana-leaf tails or psychedelic mushrooms with marijuana leaves decorating their stems. If Austin wasn’t drawing one of his beautiful, yet school-inappropriate works of art, he was trying to engage his classmates in off-topic discussions. During teamwork time, Austin made brief attempts to solve problems, but would quickly give up and return to drawing.

I grew frustrated. Austin almost never redirected his attention to me upon my first request, and even when all of his classmates were on task tracking the teacher, we would often wait ten seconds or more for Austin to join. Eventually I was reminding Austin so frequently of what he should and should not be doing that the pace of the whole class slowed and other students became annoyed.

I hesitated to give Austin typical consequences. I observed that Austin was not acting improperly due to lack of respect. Instead, he lacked the character skills to stay focused on challenging tasks. My responsibility was to help him become invested in mathematics by showing him why it mattered in his life.

I felt I was failing Austin. I thought, “If only I could make this classroom a learning space, not just a learning place!” I wanted a more interactive classroom. I have two walls covered by chalkboards, so we began doing a few problems on the board every day. All kids were out of their seats and working in pairs on the board together, which was an improvement. However, it did not make the content any more meaningful. Standing at a chalkboard did not increase Austin’s intuitive understanding of mathematical concepts. He learned computational skills because he was up and actually attempting his work, but he never learned why he was doing the things he did.

Austin does not need more hands-on manipulatives. Yes, they help him visualize concepts that might otherwise be abstract, but they are not enough to help him stay focused or to connect him personally with the material. Austin needs to be physically and mentally immersed, to use his whole body and his senses as instruments to deeply internalize the connections between the mathematics he is mastering and events in the world around him. Nature is defined by “if this, then that” relationships, and while children do not need to be linear thinkers, they do must be able to think scientifically and observe that for every action there is a logical reaction or flow of events.

When this last semester ended, I did not advance Austin to Algebra 1. He will retake pre-algebra with me in the upcoming semester. For both of us to be successful, I must implement diverse instructional strategies and classroom structures to facilitate his interaction with mathematics. I cannot give last semester back to Austin, but I can search for new tools to make learning more feasible for him.

I can appreciate why Austin wants to leave Rosebud. He can see his future on the reservation, and it looks small to him. To realize the change our reservations need, the children must be given the tools they need to succeed—like a strong understanding of mathematics—and they have to be empowered to use them. They need committed teachers who believe that together, working with the community, they can change the trajectory for students like Austin.

I am not a perfect teacher. After I earn my diploma from Vanderbilt, I still will not be a perfect teacher. I do hope to learn how children learn, and thus how to broaden opportunities for my students so they can attain the deep person-to-content connections that construct true understanding. I hope to learn the pedagogical skills necessary to construct the cognitive structure in students that will allow them to learn from any interesting observation and every curiosity.

When I think of Austin, I am convinced that there is a better way. After thoroughly examining the Learning and Instruction program at Vanderbilt and the research interests of professors such as Dr. Rogers Hall and Dr. Richard Lehrer, I believe that Vanderbilt will provide me with the research opportunities, mindsets, and skillsets necessary to meet my needs as a developing instructor of a diverse group of learners.

I do not expect to be finished learning after I receive my diploma; life is abundant with experiences that deepen and enrich our understanding of what can be taught in theory. I do believe that I will be well equipped to help transform mathematics instruction on the Rosebud Indian Reservation.  For me, Vanderbilt offers an opportunity to grow, contribute, and work with like-minded people to make the world a more equitable and interesting place.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

It's my birthday

So, today is my birthday. I'm turning 25 today. It feels odd... Normally, on birthdays, I feel the same as any other day, but today I feel like something inside me is changing. Like, after 25, you are a full fledged adult. I know it is a little late for me to realize that I am an adult now, but hey, better late than never.

The world is kind of heavy at 25. I am moving to Tennessee within a month or two to start earning my masters degree at Vanderbilt. Aspen is coming with me, but other than that I will be starting a brand new life. I will have my own apartment, which feels very grown up, and I will be responsible not just for taking care of myself but for taking care of Aspen, too. I bought myself a new computer last weekend... first time I have ever done that for myself. I kinda like being grown up, I just really don't want to fuck up-financially, academically, or emotionally.

I have learned somethings in my 25th year of life. Break-ups are so so hard, but when relationships end it is almost always for the best, and I don't have to be in control of whether or not someone wants to stay in a relationship with me. That's a hard one to grasp. At least for me. I've learned that it is okay to be selfish sometimes. I've learned that money in the bank doesn't mean money that I can spend. I've learned that making time to spend with my friends is important for my happiness and my friends' happiness. I've learned that exercising really does make me happier and that eating healthier makes me feel more comfortable. I've learned that loving people the way that they are is much more valuable than trying to help them change.

This coming year is going to be a year where I work on saying things that are hard to say, when they need to be said, instead of avoiding them. It is going to be a year of financial responsibility. It is going to be a year of exploration and of new friendships and of independence.

I'm so looking forward to this next year of life. Bring it on.