Last day of official teaching at institute: we orally presented poetry in front of the class

Today's class was much better. However, we didn't really learn anything too strenuous today. I might make a better camp counselor than a teacher. Or maybe a better mother. I can't wait to be a mother. I can wait to give birth. Anyway, back to my students :). I feel like I let Alexis down today by not holding him to high enough standards. Should I hold him after class for a minute and ask him to re-present his poem to me? He struggles with words, but I know he can do this very well. It will just take confidence boost and practice. I want him to understand that he is capable and that being behind everyone right now is okay, and it doesn't have to stay that way. Miss J. Roberts seems to think that in order to be an attractive female that she can't use her brain and have deep thoughts. I don't know what to do about that except to address the issue straight on, and bluntly confront her. I think she would respond okay to that, but what if she is really just not that smart? NO, that isn't the case. She just doesn't have any practice thinking on a deeper level. Kaedeen is super smart, but has the worst freakin attitude in the world. If this was back in the day, I would have smacked him on the back of the head a couple of times already this summer, just to communicate, "Shape up boy, or this is how life is gonna feel." How do I get through to him. Pretty sure he thinks I hate him. Sad. Unfortunately, if he would have been absent today I probably would have been happy. Awful mindset Lara, just awful. I find myself being quiet frusterated with Renee. She tries so hard and is well behaved and does her homework and asks questions and..., BUT,...She is on an IEP and consistently surprises me by failing to grasp concepts. I have to hold the class back to better explain things to her. I need to be able to come up with differentiated lesson plans so that I can help both the higher students who need enrichment, but also the low students who need extra help or different ways to grasp the concept. Joseph was excited about his poem titled "World of Warcraft." He smiled. That was worth the 20 minutes I spent finding it and the 10 minutes I spent debating on whether or not it was rigorous enough for him. Sonya LOVED her poem about smiling and hiding behind a mask. In her own words, Sonya is "complicated." How adorable is that <3 ? I believe her. Miss J. Rubio is Sonya's cousin. She tries hard and it shows in her grades, but she is so hard on herself. She has a beautiful heart. Aaron has started participating and has really matured over the last five weeks. I enjoy having him in class, alot actually.

A BAD DAY / A DAY IN THE LIFE

diffuse
Teaching has to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. Today was SO SHITTY. SO SHITTY. I thought that I had this down way better than that. But I didn't. My CMA gave me this look, like, oh how sad you are still SO SHITTY at teaching. You are leading your students to academic death. I feel like I should just quit this job and go into grad school. Maybe I should find some rich man to take care of me. Maybe I should do anything but this... I fail and I fail and I fail. Will it be like this when I go back to my region??? God, please no. I will quit if it is this bad in South Dakota. Can I blame this on the fact that I am teaching writing/reading? I think not, I think yes, I think I don't know how or what to think anymore. Epic failure and that is all.

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refocus
Teaching has to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. Today two students will be receiving a phone call home because they got up to three on the consequence chart. I suppose that my lesson should have been much more interactive. It is Monday; I should have known that students would be tired. To be fair to myself, the higher students really seemed to take alot away from this lesson. POETRY. Specifically, the theme of a poem. Mending Walls by Robert Frost and The Poison Tree by William Blake. Excellent poems, I think I did a good job with the think aloud portion. Hmm, but my CMA has said that sometimes I sound unsure of how to communicate the material, and my lesson plans are supposed to help fix that. I didn't follow my LP very well because I thought that I needed to adopt to where the class was readiness-wise. However, I think that maybe I should have let them break up into groups and fly on their own a bit. Kaedeen seems to be behaving now with Mr. Esch, and he was hell in a hand basket for me. (PS that is a metaphor :P ) I know also that I should have been more focused on the BMC. That woulda helped...ALOT. I have a meeting with my CMA tonight. It is going to be rough. But today was a BAD DAY, not a usual day. Granted, days like today SHOULD NOT HAPPEN. But good teachers are made not born, and I KNOW that I can be a great teacher. Not just good. Great. Every day I learn something new. And today, today I learned that behavior management can be more important that content.