Random Compilation of Thoughts

This is the morning after Thanksgiving break. I earlier I felt sick, so I took a shower and went back to bed. It wasn't the kind of sick where you think you might be coming down with something, it was more like a knot in the pit of my stomach. I would definitely say it crossed the line into nausea. Why am I so opposed to work? I love my job; maybe I am nervous about my performance? That is probably it - classroom management. Anyway, now that I am through the logistics...

This lonnnnng weekend was some good thinking time for me. I got together with my friend Tia, and we smoked hookah together for two hours while discussing the ins-and-outs of what it is that makes relationships last or fail. Relationships - romantic or otherwise - are so multifaceted and dynamic and unique from one another that they are impossible to comprehend entirely. I simplify things in my head and narrow my perspective to things that I have seen fail in my experiences and things that I have seen work in the experiences of those around me (Kaitlin and Bekah). I also like to dissect what I see in movies ("What Dreams May Come").

respect for space when people ask for it
not abusing the request for space
stop learning each other everyday
choosing each other every day
having loaded expectations verses serving another person
self-medicating and passing on pain

i want to be challenged in my faith to search out truth and grow stronger in it and be more edified. i don't want to constantsly have it torn at by my closest friend, the world does that enough. i want my closest friend to build me up in my faith and give me encrouragement and support and give me the hunger to have a deeper relationship with Christ.

i say i hate rules but i allow myself to be in a box, to fit a mold. i may be just contraversial enough to give myself some moving space within that box, but i am still in that box. really, how do you not have a box? everyone has a box, but our boxes are just made out of different materials and have different shapes. no one is box free. that is why we put God in a box and limit Him, because we know nothing else. Maybe if I can take God out of the box I made for Him I can begin to escape my own box. I have a friend who thinks my box is Christianity. Maybe he is right. I tend to think that my box is Christianity, in the sense that I focus more on my behavior than on my RELATIONSHIP with Jesus. Is a relationship a box? No. Is dictated behavior a box? Yes, because it restricts my living. Does a relationship with Jesus restrict my behavior, well yes. He calls me to die to the flesh. I want to escape these built in responses and look for deeper meaning, and then hopefully they will connect back with  what I know to be true. I know I am limiting my thoughts by staying in the bounds of Christianity, but that is what I choose.