Why do we take the time to write our thoughts down? Because we want to clarify things to ourselves? Because we want others to know us? Maybe because we want to preserve ourselves, so that when we are no longer around our thoughts still are...
I want to be beautiful on the inside, full of light-heartedness, empty of judgement towards others, and not shaken by the judgement of others towards myself. I want to work on Lara and transform her into a gentle, kind, and thoughtful woman, who is more concerned about what her actions and her words create (in the long term and in the moment) in the minds and hearts of others than she is about what others think of her. I know that if I put a ton of effort into making myself beautiful on the inside then my level of investment in who I am will make me more susceptible to not receive criticisms of myself well. I must remain vigilant to seek out and receive constructive criticisms, keeping myself humble and minimizing pride, and also encouraging a spirit of continuous improvement of myself.
Self-improvement requires me taking time to investigate myself, and requires the pain of admitting negative things about myself and admitting the shadow it casts on the lives of others. It takes the hard work of fixing parts of me that I use as crutches, of wading through and dealing with the pain that my crutches help me escape. And by dealing with I mean understanding root causes, accepting my mistakes and self-inflicted losses and destruction, fixing by finding new ways to live and experience, moving on by no longer engaging in my coping strategies.
To Come: My Experience with Corporate Worship, New Life Church, CO Springs
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