family

What would I be like if I was loved unconditionally by one person? What if there was someone who I knew was not going to love me less if I made decisions that they didn't agree with? I think that  the type of person who can do that, if they exist, is the type of person that I want to be. I don't want to force myself on people and I don't want to back away from people who see things differently than me. I think that I can learn from people who are unlike me. And probably the reverse is true, too. However, people only learn when they are seeking to learn, not when someone decides to teach.

I feel afraid of stepping out of my boxes because I don't want to lose approval. Why? The fear of losing approval, I suppose, is directly related to the fear of being alone. If I don't have approval then I don't belong with the group, whether it be with other people my age, my co-workers, my family, etc. Why do I fear being alone? I think that when people are alone they have only themselves to focus on, and then they get selfish and miserable and are never satisfied. But then again, people don't ostracize others for being just a little weird or making a few disagreeable decisions. And if you do make enough "bad" decisions for a specific group of people to not want to be around you anymore, then there is sure to be another group of people who do approve of the decisions you make and make similar decisions themselves. So I must be wanting to please a specific group of people. What group do I not want to be shunned from, or at least not lose status in? Is it even wrong to chose a certain life so that I can fit in with these people that I want so much? Many would say yes, some would say no. Either way, I need to be honest with myself about why I chose what I chose, and then decide if I still want to chose it.