I wish we had been able to have EVEN ONE honest conversation of substance, but alas, we don't know each other at all.

Christmas is a miserable time of year. It is such a drag that one person can just muddle the whole dynamic of a group. Why do you punish all of us but not tell us what you are punishing us for. Your passive aggressive efforts to communicate that something is wrong are ridiculous and pathetic and hurtful and annoying and make me feel violent at times. I refuse to ask you what is wrong when you behave this way, because I feel that is only encouraging that behavior by giving you attention. If you are hurt or mad about something then SAY IT. Don't create this maze of anger and darkness that no one can navigate except you. Actually, I stopped carrying to even try to figure out your games years ago. How do I find joy when your presence is so pervasive and in my face. I want to ignore you and pretend like you aren't there (half out of spite and half out of self preservation), like a child covering her eyes and believing the scary thing can't see her because she can't see it. I want to act kind and happy, but I also hate being fake. There has to be a balance somewhere.

I need to get to a place where I don't feel like I am holding back a negative response to everything you say. This probably means I need to not take your rude, disrespectful, and often flat out bitchy remarks personally. It also means that I need to not feel jaded when you make rules that are illogical and/or that are micro-managing things that don't matter. It also means I need to control my anger when you raise your voice at those I care about.

Or maybe you should just change who you are.

But we both know that is never going to happen because you are unwilling to examine yourself critically, ever, even a little. This is probably one of the reasons that you are one of the two most emotionally immature people I have ever met.

I understand that people are the way they are because of the way they interpreted things that happened to them or around them in the past. I don't care. Realize that you chose the wrong/negative/damaging response, that your perceptions are jaded, the world is not against you, and you don't have it worse than anyone else. Build a bridge, get over it, and be f*ing nice.